3 Rules to be a More Authentic Leader
Andre Alphonso • January 1, 2025

When I was 19 years old I was madly in love with Sandra (Sandy) from afar. I eventually got the courage to ask Sandy out on a date, and to my complete amazement, she agreed. This was a high stakes situation for me and I wanted to impress. So on our first date I decided to pick her up from her parents’ home in a Mercedes Benz. No, it wasn’t my car, but belonged to the parents of my closest buddy at the time. And yes his parents were away overseas so the coast was clear.


The first predicament I found myself in occurred early. Picking Sandy up from her parent’s home, her father opened the door to greet me and saw a shining red Mercedes Benz in his driveway. “Is that your car?” he asked. Being a naïve 19 year old I hadn’t considered being asked this question. How do I respond? Do I lie and say yes? Or do I show my hand as a complete fraud and fess up to the fact I borrowed it from a mate to impress Sandy and her parents? What did I do?


We will come to that later.


I guess I am no different to most other people who from an early age try and project themselves as something more than who and what they really are. We put on a mask to pretend to be someone or something else, perhaps to cover up our insecurities and vulnerabilities.


Masks People Wear


I am now older and wiser (arguably!) and I have come to learn that these masks we wear also appear in our corporate world. As a business leader, consultant and executive coach I interact with people at many levels. I frequently come across the various masks each person wears, trying to portray an image of something they may not really be. Masks that show ‘aggression’ or ‘funny’ or ‘indifference’ or ‘tough nut’ or ‘controlled’ among many others.


As an example, a manager I was working with (Jamie) didn’t outwardly show his passion and excitement to his team. When we took a deeper dive as to the cause of this reluctance, we discovered he had developed a strong belief from previous managers that one should never bring emotions into work. He believed that expressing feelings undermines authority and was irrational. I’m sure you have heard people use that phrase “leave your feelings at the door”. Accordingly he had unconsciously built a persona at work as analytical and controlled, dispassionate and sometimes aloof. He took off this mask in a non-business situation. Whether with his family or friends, he was much more relaxed and where he was able to express feelings and his passion for many things. He laughed more.



We came to the realisation that Jamie’s business persona – his mask – was actually holding back the engagement levels in his team. It was also causing him anxiety as he often felt constrained by this mask he chose to wear. Jamie slowly changed and discovered that by showing his real self – his sincere excitement and other emotions – made a huge difference in the climate in his team. One of Jamie’s direct reports said to me “We look to Jaimie as a gauge of how the business is tracking. Previously we didn’t think he was all that interested, but recently we are starting to see that he is backing this new product line and we are with him all the way – and probably for the first time since I’ve been working for him. The team is much more galvanised now that Jamie comes across more enthusiastic about things and that is rubbing off on all of us.” Additionally Jaime felt liberated that he had discovered a way to be his authentic self.


A man in a suit is holding a black and white mask.

Authenticity in Leadership


The conversations around leadership today are often centred on authenticity and the impact of authentic leaders on followers. We need to be more authentic as leaders.

There are practical things we as leaders can do. Here at Ariel we have identified the three rules of authenticity:


Authenticity Rule #1: ACCEPT YOURSELF AND BE OPEN TO GROWTH.


Acknowledge your shortcomings and while trying to work to improve them, also accept them and work with and around them. Don’t try and cover up mistakes, instead draw out key learnings from mistakes you may have made. Most importantly while always trying to grow, don’t try to be someone or something you are fundamentally not.


We find in our workshops how inspiring it is to hear individuals talk about difficult passages in their lives and what they had learned from them. They see such situations not as failures but as opportunities for learning. Shift your thinking about an experience from “It was terrible” to “What did I learn from this?” Don’t cover up mistakes from your past, put it on the table and draw out your learning. You may be surprised how that inspires others.


Authenticity Rule #2: LIVE YOUR VALUES.


You want to find ways to make your values visible to others. For example, if you value forthrightness, then you may want to create a quarterly meeting where people can speak their minds candidly. If you value creativity, you could institute open brainstorming sessions at the start of every project.


The penalty for incongruence between espoused and lived values is being branded a hypocrite. Don’t let this happen. Ask others if they perceive you as someone who lives your values and if they are visible in your actions. You can also be courageous by asking people to call you out whenever your actions don’t reflect your values.


Authenticity Rule #3: CREATE AN AUTHENTIC CONNECTION TO WORK.


When a leader has an authentic connection with work, the work becomes more than a way to pay the mortgage or meet quarterly targets. They focus on something bigger than themselves and their own self-interests – they create significance in their work.


They say that people work for three things:

  • Money
  • A good leader
  • A cause


A good leader motivates more than money does. And a cause motivates more than a good leader. Find your cause – the significance – in the work you and your team does and enrol your people in that cause.

The bottom line is to be authentic because it is unlikely you are fooling anyone. Neuroscience research is now scientifically proving that human beings have an uncanny ability to identify incongruence no matter how well we try and cover it up with our masks. We need to be intentionally more authentic as leaders.



Finally back to Sandy’s dad when he asked me if the Mercedes Benz was mine. I was amazed by my own response, as a naive 19 year old I didn’t expect to say what I did. What is said was “Yes it is sir… just for tonight… and just for your daughter” – one of the coolest responses I think I have ever made! Sadly for me, I was not Sandy’s soul mate and the relationship didn’t last. Perhaps all she saw was the mask and not me.

To find out more about how Ariel can help your people.

Read More Blogs

A woman in a purple suit is holding a microphone and giving a speech.
By Andre Alphonso February 1, 2025
Creating trust and connecting to clients and prospects is an enduring and effective sales strategy. If your salespeople aren’t connecting with your clients and being viewed as trusted advisors, they’re likely to be losing business. Effective salespeople are able to move between initiating new ideas and responding to the needs of their client with agility and confidence. So how can your sales teams build trust, demonstrate confidence, and be flexible and agile at the same time? Storytelling. Storytelling is a powerful sales tool that can: Develop strong relationships Paint a clear picture of success for clients or prospects Facilitate the client making an emotional connection to your brand or service. Storytelling is a powerful tool for creating connection—neuroscience proves it! When humans listen to stories, the same areas of both the speaker’s and the lightener’s brain “light up”—even though one is producing information and the other is receiving it. This creates coherence and ensures that you and your listener are on the same page. Furthermore, when humans listen to engaging stories, our bodies release a neurochemical called oxytocin that’s associated with connectedness and trust. This boost in trust and empathy allows sales people to build stronger relationships with clients and prospects—a crucial aspect of sales.
A group of people are walking down the street.
By Andre Alphonso December 2, 2024
The leadership attributes of the likes of Steve Jobs, Arianna Huffington, Sir Richard Branson and numerous other famous business people have been sliced and diced, dissected and analysed innumerable times. While we all aspire to be like some of the greats, what can we learn from the everyday leader – these unknowns that don’t attract the attention of celebrity – who are making a significant difference in the lives of people who work for them? Let me share a personal story. Summer 2017. Ambience Mall, Gurgaon, India. A normal Saturday afternoon. My wife and I walk into a well-known retail clothing chain store. She is looking for an unusual t-shirt. One of the shop assistants sees us and approaches us as most shop assistants are programmed to do. He holds up a sign which is hanging on a lanyard around his neck, which indicates his name is Piyush and that he is deaf. He signals with his fingers that he can lip read. “This is most unusual” I think to myself as I have not experienced this in countless retail experiences. My wife says she is looking for a t-shirt, Piyush lip reads her message correctly and he walks her over to a rack of t-shirts and she selects a few to try on. She asks him where the change room is, and he shows her where. She proceeds to try on the t-shirts. As I wait for her to come out I observe something unusual. The manager of the store, who has just finished speaking to someone on the phone, starts conversing with Piyush. He is conversing in sign language and this goes on for a few minutes. They are obviously sharing something humorous as they are both laughing. The store manager is totally engrossed in the interaction. I am struck by the authenticity and goodwill that is present in this moment. The banter is broken by my wife who comes out of the change room wearing the first t-shirt. Piyush gives her the “thumbs-up” sign and asks my opinion, “looks great” I say and she goes back to try on another. Leadership Through Communication I observe the store manager who is now behind the cash register looking through some dockets. I walk up to him and we have the following exchange: Me: “I noticed that you were using sign language with your colleague.” Store Manager: “Yes sir. I was trying to sign. I am still learning.” Me: “How are you learning?” Store Manager: “I found a course through Google and I do some study and practice every evening after work.” Me: “Wow! That seems like quite an investment on your part.” Store Manager: “Well I’m learning something new.” Me: “So why do this? If Piyush can lip read, would you be able to get by without signing?” Store Manager: “Yes. We can get by and we have. But sir I want us to be able to have a two-way communication with him, not just one-way, from me to him. He is a smart guy and I want to hear his ideas and his opinions on how we can make things better in this store. I’m his manager so I also want to understand how he is doing and how I am doing as his manager.” I ask his name and he tells me it is Manick. I walk away as my wife has come out with another t-shirt, I give the second t-shirt a thumbs up and she goes back in to try on a third. As I wait, I reflect on the interaction I have just had with Manick. I continue to observe him as he goes about his work. He offers a job to an applicant who has come into the store and embraces her emotionally, not physically, as he welcomes her to the company and agrees a starting date. She is thrilled beyond words and genuinely excited. I observe him taking in everything that is going on in the store, jumping in to support his team when they are busy. I am most impressed with this guy as there is definitely an X-factor about him. In my experience with retail chains, shop assistants are generally not treated with the respect they deserve. Store managers generally don’t care about the opinions of shop assistants, nor care about how they may be doing as their manager. It is very obvious to me that Piyush enjoys working for Manick. From everything I can observe in the 15 minutes in the store, he is fully engaged as an employee and completely connected with his manager. Manick is different and I can see, hear, and feel that this X factor is his leadership and personal presence. The Pres Model In our work in Ariel Group , we have been working with leaders and professionals for over twenty five years to help them build their leadership and personal presence. We know from our experience with hundreds of thousands of leaders and professionals that presence is something that can be developed. Our purpose is to help leaders and professionals amplify their presence and show up as their very best selves. We deconstruct presence into four critical leadership skills which we call the PRES Model: Being Present: The ability to be completely in the moment, undistracted by anything past or future, sharp as a razor, and flexible enough to handle the unexpected. Reaching Out: The ability to build relationships with others through empathy, listening and authentic connection. Expressiveness: The ability to express feelings and emotions appropriately by using all available means – words/voice/face/body – to deliver one congruent message. Self-Knowing: The ability to accept yourself, to be authentic, and to reflect your values in your decisions and actions. Applying Presence To Leadership So in that moment of reflection about Manick and his presence as a leader, he ticks every one of these boxes. As an everyday leader I observe him: being Present – not pretentious Reaching Out – not looking down being Expressive – not trying to be impressive being Self-Knowing – not self-absorbed I have no doubt that with the right guidance, this young leader is destined to become someone significant affecting the lives of many. He can go far in his business and personal life if he chooses to do so. My wife comes out of the change rooms and she buys a couple of the t-shirts. I thank Manick and Piyush and ask them if I can take their picture. They are curious. I explain that I want to write a blog and I ask their permission. Manick signs something to Piyush. They both seem chuffed at the idea. They smile and agree. So here is the blog and in the photograph below, Piyush is on the left and Manick on the right.  And if you are interested, the retail chain is called Being Human.
A large group of people are sitting around a big table, with laptops, chatting an smiling.
By Andre Alphonso May 17, 2021
Told any good stories lately? No? Well you might want to start. Professionals often use stories to connect with the hearts and minds of their clients to influence action, and here we explain our formula for business storytelling. The Power of Storytelling A powerful communication tool, stories can: Capture attention Build trust and credibility Deliver messages and insights with impact Differentiate your team in an increasingly commoditised world. Business discussions and presentations can easily fall into facts-and-figures conversations. Stories present information in a format that makes it easier for the audience to receive, comprehend, and retain. At Ariel Group Australia , storytelling is a central leadership competence we develop in many of our courses and programs , not only because it connects messages to the head and the heart, but also because it is a powerful tool for building a relationship with the audience, whether an audience of one or many. The Ariel Formula for Business Storytelling 1. State The Business Context “We are meeting today to talk about the recent HR announcement …” 2. Segue To The Story “But before I do that, let me tell you a story.” 3. Tell The Story “As a student I…” 4. State What You Learned “What I learned from this experience…” 5. State What We Can Learn “What we can learn from this experience…” 6. Connect To The Business Challenge “So, as we face this challenging period…”
Show More